Work does not officially start till tomorrow and already I feel overwhelmed, frustrated, lost, etc.   I knew I had a lot of work ahead of me but I wasn’t aware of its magnitude.

So here is the gist of it:

I emailed the VP about two weeks ago asking for some information so that I could get a head start on my preparation.  Never received a reply.  Friday last week got a letter in the mail from the school (it was a mass mailing to all the school’s teachers) stating the schedule for the upcoming week.  Letter also says that we can come in before our contracted start date to get our classroom organize… yay, that sounds good. 

Go in on Monday, with all three kids, to get my classroom key and survey what I needed to do with my room… apparently a lot.  Go introduce myself to the next door teacher.  Turns out she will be my mentor teacher… yay again, as I’ve heard really nice things about her teaching style.  She says that we need to meet so that we could go over what supplies I need, etc, and my kids can tag along to the meeting.  I know better about bringing the kids but I am desperate to get stated and organized.  I agree and ask what time she will be in on Tuesday (as I try to stop the kids from grabbing at her stuff).  She says, around 11 am.  I say okay, I should be here.  I arrange with William to watch the kids Tuesday morning so that I can meet with mentor teacher, hoping to have at least one “kid-free” hour with her.

Go in on Tuesday morning and find out from another teacher that I won’t be meeting with mentor teacher alone; she has scheduled a Math team meeting for 11:30 am.  What?  Had I known this was going to be a more formal meeting I would have tried to reschedule it for a later time.  We also had an impromptu meeting with the principal.  William had meetings scheduled for the afternoon so he drops the kids off at school on his way to work.  The kids behave during the meeting with the principal.  We go to the mentor’s room for the team meeting. 

My big mistake is permitting Aidan to play with the computer in her room.  He starts messing with it and I tell him no more computer.  He freaks out.  I put him in my room hoping he will calm down.  Not happening!  He spends the next hour or so screaming at the top of his lungs and we can hear it in the next room.  By now it’s past 1 pm and past the babies nap time.  Mark and Caitlin are wandering round the room, pulling stuff, going under tables, getting in to boxes, etc.  At one point Caitlin is running around with scissors!  I spend the meeting chasing after the kids and apologizing for them and for myself.  The mentor says its okay but I am not feeling reassured.  Towards the end of the meeting Mark poops.  I don’t want to be rude and I’m still grasp at important information that I am missing because I am running after the kids so I don’t want to leave the meeting.  I cringe every time Mark passes the table thinking about how everybody has to suffer through Mark’s foul odor.  By now Caitlin is complaining because she is tired.  Then she poops.  At two o’clock I tell the mentor I can’t do it anymore.  The kids are tired and the babies have pooped. 

I stay a little bit longer to have her look and critique my classroom policies and procedures handout.  I change the babies diapers.  Then with a backpack filled with 2 heavy teacher edition books, a diaper bag, a plastic bag containing two dirty diapers, a still crying Aidan, and two tired babies, I leave the school with whatever shreds of dignity and pride I can muster up.  I’m thinking about how I have just destroyed any image I may have of being a capable teacher.  If I am looking frustrated when my kids are getting into everything and I can’t even handle my own kids, how am I going to be able to handle 150 teenagers?  What must my mentor and the other math teachers thing of me?

I’m in a daze for the rest of the day.  After the kids go to bed I stare at the computer for hours not knowing what to do next.  I finally get up and head to Walmart and wander the aisles aimlessly.  I go out to the parking lot and can’t remember where my car is.  I’m a mess and my brain is like mush.  There is a lot of things I need to do before Friday of next week but I don’t know what it is I need to do.  Most of that information was discussed at the meeting today but I obviously didn’t hear it.  I sent an email to mentor teacher last night hoping to schedule a meeting with her for when I didn’t have to watch the kids.  Still waiting to hear from her.

I start work tomorrow at 7:45 am.  I’ll be in meetings all the way till 4:00 pm.  This is basically my schedule till school starts on August 4.  I need to get my room set up before Meet-the-Teacher night on August 1.  With the school closing at 5 pm I only have a limited time to get my room organized before next Friday.  I don’t know where to start.  I don’t know what I need in terms of supplies.  I know I need pens and paper, beyond that I am clueless and lost.

I feel helpless.

Edited to add:  Received a reply from mentor.  She is going to meet me tomorrow (Thursday) after I get done with all my other meetings.  All hope is not lost… yet.